New Year, New Beginnings

Hey Friends,

After a long absence, I'm going to give another go at posting. With the new year approaching I couldn't help think - what a great time to start over - with lots of things. I don't know about you but the turn of the calendar always gets me thinking. A LOT!! So I'll take the next little while to share some of those thoughts here.

Here's what's currently rolling around in my brain. I came across these 5 statements in the book by Andy Stanley - The Best Question Ever. Here they are. Ponder...Consider...Evaluate....

Maybe this will be the start of some intentional thinking about 2012.

1. There is cumulative value in investing small amounts of time in certain activities over a long period.

2. There are rarely any immediate consequences for neglecting single installments of time in any arena of life.

3. Neglect has a cumulative affect.

4. There is no cumulative value to the urgent things that we allow to interfere with the important things.

5. In the ciritical arenas of life, you cannot make up for lost time.

Relationship Advice

I'm for sure no expert on relationships but I like this quote by Barbara Johnson on the importance of unconditional love.

"Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved." - Barbara Johnson

Some valuable guidelines for relationships

1. Support the person when you can't support their behavior.

2. Settle accounts immediately - time is the great enemy of reconciliation and restoration

3. Adopt forgiveness when reconciliation is not possible

4. The Bible says that love covers a multitude of sins. Integrate that.

Friends, parents, children, siblings, relatives......need love the most when they deserve it the least.

U Turn On Food

I wanted to share a recent post from a sweet friend's blog. She happens to be a physician among other things and is one of the most intriguing people I have met in a long time. Her blogging stamina makes me jealous every day, yet I still keep going back. You can check out her other ideas at www.livingwithpower.org.

This is a "how ya doin' on your New Years Resolution" post. I thought it had some great thoughts about food choices. I share with her permission.

Thanks, Lina!

I’m talking to women here, because I’m sure if you’re a guy you started some kind of weird diet that includes burgers and fries and you still somehow lost more than your desired weight goal. Yada yada yada.

Don’t be discouraged, though. It’s not too late to get back on the saddle. We still have a few weeks to go before the pool season. It’s never too late to start now. You can do it. Where there’s a will there’s a way, and all that positive thinking and cliche statements.

But seriously, I figure I should use my expertise as a physician and share some great tips with you towards achieving your goal of losing those last 5-10 pounds. Let’s start by defining those foods that don’t make us fat.

Anytime you pick up a food, use these four criteria to judge whether or not it’s a food that won’t make you far:

1. you better not smell it. Seriously, if it smells good it’s likely fried or bathed in sugar. If you can smell it, drop it and pick up an odorless food. You’ll thank me later. And if you’ve got a cold, don’t use this as your excuse to binge. Simply put all food aside for a couple of days until your sense of smell is restored and you can judge the foods in front of your nose.

2. you better not see it. Portion control, portion control, portion control. Did I say portion control? It’s all about the size of the plate in front of you. If you can see the food, it’s too much. Put half of it away. This is a great tip to hang on to when your sense of smell is dim.

3. you better not wear it. I don’t care if you’re an apple or a pear, food will ultimately settle in around your belly or your hips. Make a decision not to wear the things you eat. The secret here is to take it off. Get on a treadmill. Go for a walk. Whatever you do, move. My assistant thanks me every time I send her on a hike to the mail room because she figures I’m saving her the cost of the gym. Learn from the wise. Exercise. Mind you, don’t over do it. Thirty minutes a day is plenty.

4. you better not crave it. This is a very well kept secret, but I’m going to share it with you. It all starts in the mind. The more you think about food the more you will want to eat. Have you ever noticed that you hardly ever think about food until the minute you decide to diet? Then it’s all you can do not to think about that ice cream sundae or that juicy burger. Take every thought captive. Stop the craving right between your ears!

All right. Hope these tips were helpful. On a more serious note, I’ve found loseit.com to be an incredibly helpful tip in watching what you eat. You can find it on the world wide web, or download it on your iphone.

If you have any other great tips for dieting, share them with the readers in the comments section!

WRESTLING WITH DELEGATION

I’m recently dealing with a very difficult season. The landscape of my current “to do” list is like Mt. Everest in front of me. I have way more to do than time to do it. Can anybody else identify with that? I know some of you, or maybe most of you can.

I’ve been working with a wellness coach for several months and in one of our recent sessions I had a complete meltdown. When she asked me, “okay, tell me what’s really going on with you?”, I had to admit that it had less to do with my plateau in weight loss, or my shifting hormones, or not getting enough exercise. It had to do with another key area of wellness – STRESS.

We all have to deal with stress at some level. And some seasons seem to be worse than others with a million different factors playing into the equation. But the point is, you can implement some strategies that can help you alleviate or manage the stress in your life.

My coach and I hit on one such strategy that is a huge weakness for me. Since misery loves company, and because I know women well, I’m going to assume that you all are in this pit with me. It’s the dirty D word – DELEGATION.

I don’t like it, I don’t do it, I’m unskilled at it. I asked my husband for help. After all, he really knows me best after 35 years of marriage. I said, “tell me why I’m no good at delegating?” He laughed. This was an honest question and a cry for help, so I persisted. I said, “no, really….”, to which he responded gently, “do you think it has anything to do with control?” BINGO!

So, I began to set out with some thinking that I’ve learned in my months of being coached. Janis, my coach, is great at provoking me to put together a plan that will set me up for successful changes. www.inspiredtraining.com I’d like to share it with you in hopes that it will be useful to you.

THE ROAD TO DELEGATION

Identify your inner challenges - these probably come from personality/temperament/life experience.

1) Fear of losing control

2) Commitment to perfection vs. excellence

3) Habitual Martyr syndrome – woe is me, I have so much to do

4) Pride in two forms

a. Wanting all the credit

b. Always thinking your way is best/right

5) Being intoxicated on busy-ness – Some people are afraid to slow down – really. We say we want it but when we do slow down – we don’t even know what we consider “fun” anymore.

Identify your excuses – they are multiple and messy

1) I can do it better myself

2) I may have to redo the work

3) It takes too long to explain it – I might as well do it

4) I will feel guilty asking someone else to do my work

Identify the benefits to you and others – they are many and wonderful (say this out loud J)

1) More overall efficiency for you

2) Reduced stress/anxiety – ask yourself if you’re afraid of “free time” or margin in your life?

3) Satisfaction of giving another person the joy of accomplishment/learning something new/growing in their role

4) Freeing up brain space to be creative, solve problems, identify new processes

Identify your strategies for success – this provides direction (you’ll never get anywhere you’re not headed)

1) Get advice from someone you’ve observed to be a good delegator

2) Determine to ask for help – force yourself

3) Identify a few people around you that have the potential to grow in their work/skills

4) Identify a few people that have time/resources that would be helpful to you

5) Fight with all your might against perfectionism.

6) Rehearse humbling thoughts/prayers that remind you that your way is just that – your way. Someone elses “way” has value too.

Practice makes perfect!!!! Just do it!!! Small choices in the direction of delegating can become a whole new work style and lifestyle for you. Someone around you - maybe many people are going to be happy about that.

"Knowing" Is An Intimate Word

Knowing is a good word. It suggests an inside track on something, a first hand understanding, a confident capture, an experiential familiarity - you get the idea. Well last week we finally got to KNOW the answer to a very important question.

With Lori and Ethan expecting their first baby in June - we have all been hanging on till the ultrasound a few days ago. The big thing to KNOW?? What this little tator tot is going to be, of course.....BOY or GIRL????

It changes everything to KNOW. It immediately removes 50% of the thinking process on everything from names, to clothing to room decor. It takes your conversation from the "it" and "the baby" realm to very specific, endearing references. It takes your heart from a fuzzy portrait of a "neutral" baby to one that is either pink or blue.

Oh, are you wanting me to get on with the big reveal of what I now "know"???????

SHE'S A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A wonderful, sweet, baby smelling bundle of hugs and kisses all dressed up in pink and lace and polka dots. I cannot wait!!!!

She is now my granddaughter - how cool is that? SHE will now be connected to me FOREVER. Nothing can or will change that. I am so ready for this experience and have prepared those around me for the totally bonkers me that will soon emerge.

I'm ever so thankful that my granddaughter's family lives less than 20 minutes door to door. I plan to be on everlasting call for anything and everything she needs.

I have to go now. I'm needing to go outfit my soon to be minivan with carrier, car seat, pack n play and whatever else I need to be the "go to" granny. (that's not what I'm going to be called, BTW, but am open to suggestions.)

So much to do for baby girl including praying for her safe arrival. I love you like you're already here, little angel!!

Love, Nanny

Write Your Own Epitaph?

A friend of mine recently mentioned in passing that she had a health issue that made her and her sister joke about how her obituary should read. What’s next is a couple funny ones I found :

Here lies the body

Of Margaret Bent

She kicked up her heels

And away she went.
_________________________________________

Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.

__________________________________________

After a death in our family recently it made me start thinking about obituaries and epitaphs. I know it’s a bit morbid but just go with me here. I read an obituary this week written about someone I knew well. I read it twice. I wondered who wrote it because nothing that was mentioned resembled the person I knew the deceased to be. It’s so often the case that we perceive ourselves much differently than others do. Sometimes we conjure up a much more complimentary or glamorous view of how we believe others see us. At other times, we are sure that others view us as insignificant or worse, invisible in value. Either is an extreme and the truth truly falls somewhere in the middle of those two.

___________________________________________________

ep·i·taph

   [ep-i-taf, -tahf]

–noun

1.a commemorative inscription on a tomb or mortuary monument about the person buried at that site.

2.a brief poem or other writing in praise of a deceased person.

_________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________

So what if we could write our own epitaph?

You gotta think about what would go in the “dash” you see above. Because that dash represents your breathing years.

It represents a lot of activity.

A lot of sleep.

A lot of joy

A lot of struggle

A lot of accomplishment

A lot of failure

A lot of love

A lot of frustration

A lot of time spent doing things you deemed important at least for the moment.

And all of what in the dash basically adds up to the content of your epitaph.

So, my thought for today – for this week – for this lifetime, however long it is….

Is to decide daily what I want the dash to represent. It’s about choices and making them toward something valuable in the long haul.

Oh my! A lot of thinking to do about priorities, adjustments, PEOPLE.

So, we are writing our own epitaph after all. Only the remaining time in the dash in unknown.

U TURN PERMITTED

I love u-turns. It's the whole idea of options and a complete change of perspective. It's alot about correcting your course when you've headed in a direction you didn't intend. It happened to me today in Chicago. I was flustered and hurried with my mind abuzz with a million details. I missed my turn. The little blue dot on my gps confirmed it. I immediately began to look for a turn around place. Most people look for a left turn onto a side street but I always look first for a place I can just whip around and be headed back in the right direction. People who ride with me tell that's dangerous. So is going farther in the wrong direction. My motto in driving is the same as my motto for life. If you are headed in the wrong direction, as soon as you know it, whip around and get back on the right path. It's not rocket science. It just makes good sense.

Do you find yourself in a place today that you never intended to be? Most people find that they don't even know exactly how it happened. They just kept making choices and then one day they look around and are disappointed with what they see. Sometimes they're really desperate.

My suggestion is a course correction. Use the internal GPS of your spirit and allow it to speak to you. "You are approaching a U-turn. Take the U-turn". If you are a Christ-follower, your GPS is the Holy Spirit. If you are not, the Bible is a "true north" guide to deep peace and satisfaction.

It's always good to do a little internal evaluation. Take stock of the landscape of your life. You can change. Really. People do it every day. Set your heart on courage, draw from the strength God has given you and then move in the direction you want to go. You can do it.

The Back Of Your Hair

I have a confession to make. I'm quite concerned about the back of my hair. When I get ready each morning I get in a "zone" when it's time to do my hair. Unfortunately, a good hair day can make or break my day. And trust me - I don't have a lot going for me in the raw materials for making that happen. My hair is thin, limp, fragile, color - treated and getting drier with each passing month. As result, I infuse a lot - yes, a lot - of product into trying to guarantee I have a good day.

As a result of that, I have to shampoo every day. My wonderful hairdresser, Julie, keeps trying to convince me to try "second-day" hair. Really? Try to redo the mess I wake up with into something even resembling a good hair day seems ludicrous to me. I don't like the feel or the look of "second day" hair. Even more convincing is when I look at other people with "second day" hair and know it immediately. Okay, now that you are calling me vain and obsessed, let me share what's really on my mind about the back of your hair.

When I'm in the "zone" of my hairstyling routine it MUST involve a mirror where I can see the back of my hair as I make progress. Just blowing it around or using a brush or my fingers does not guarantee that strands will fall into place. They need guidance and direction. They need purposeful strokes to get them to behave in just the right way for just the right result. On a good day, they will land in the place of my choosing.

"Why is the back so important?", you may be thinking. Well, consider this. In most of every day life, the back of your hair is seen as much or more than

the front. While the front is important too, since it frames your face, the back has just as much visibility. Plus, if it looks good, people may not notice what's not so good below your shoulders. :):)

I have a place in the back of my hair that drives me crazy. It doesn't matter what style I have at the moment - and that's a constant moving target - a

flavor of the week, if you will. It's a place on the "crown of my head which is not, well, a crown at all. It's a small cluster of hairs that refuse to be tamed. They are so completely annoying. Every day they require more than 80% of my hair attention. They are dry and unruly. I apply product, brushes, blow dryer and sometimes a straightener. Even with all that effort when the final "fluffing" is taking place - they do their own thing. They split into a perfect part, or frizz up to a fuzz ball, or lay there flat and disobedient. UGH!!! Leaving them to alone is even worse!

So as I was applying my discipline to them the other morning I thought about the "back of my hair" of my character. There is at least one place in my character that refuses to be tamed. You probably have one too. It's that piece of you that refuses to change it's natural bend in favor of a better one. You need it to behave in order to have a "good life day". So you beat it, ignore it, address it, direct it - only on some days to find that it has, once again, taken you down. It has refused to change.

Why is that one character flaw so important? Because people see it just as much or more than the ones up front, the ones that show. It's true that good character qualities like compassion, kindness, loyalty, honesty, you name it, are evident to the people around us. But it's also true that many times we are defined by the one we are lacking. People notice and remember it. We would hope that the good would outweigh the bad in people's perceptions of us and that they wouldn't define us by our worst quality. It's not always true. The "back of our hair" shows just as much as the front. Even though the front frames the "face" people see, the "back" is still there for the noticing. And unfortunately, the closer the relationship, the more evident it is. The people we love the most and most desire acceptance from are often the most aware of our flaw.

As I wrapped up yet another session with the unruly strands, I decided that it's still worth the fight. I can't give up on them for three reasons.

1. Because left to themselves, they are ugly and embarrassing

2. I want more for myself than to ignore what's ugly about them

3. The people around me deserve my best effort to change them

The same three apply to my "back of the hair" character flaw(s). I'll keep my mirror handy.

Bite Size Brain Snack

"We all want progress. But progress means getting nearer to the place you want to be. And if you have taken a wrong turning, then to go forward does not get you any nearer. If you're on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; and in that case the man who turn back soonest is the most progressive man."

CS Lewis

Wellness Turning Point

In my initial post (see Turning Point - A Life Renovation) I mentioned that I have been on a journey this summer to figure out what wellness looks like for me in my 50's. Unlike some of my friends who are concerned about hiding their age from people - I'm actually happy to report that I just turned 54 last month. It's okay if I look like I'm 54. The wrinkles I've gained have been earned.

A dear friend asked me once if I would ever have cosmetic surgery for wrinkles. I said, "no, I don't think so.". Then she asked, "is there a reason for that?". Without really thinking I mused, "I think wrinkles are meant to be God's reminder to us that we aren't created to live here forever." I still believe that.

Thanks to my fantastic wellness coach, Janis, I have discovered and rediscoverd several things about myself in the few weeks I've been working with her by Skype.

www.bodybyjanis.com

1. I like food.

2. I dislike diets.

3. I'm not crazy about organized exercise.

4. I prefer to exercise alone.

5. The only exception to that is Zumba.

6. I don't have any hobbies.

7. I'm exploring some hobbies.

8. I don't know what I think is fun these days.

9. I'd like to have more fun.

10. The pool is my happy place.

That's just a few. There are so many more. And Janis, my coach, has not told me any of this. She has, on the other hand, provoked me to think about it.

Coaching is about provoking and not about being perscriptive. Thoughts that are provoked on any given aspect of wellness seem to allow you to look at all your options, assess their value and then decide for yourself which ones you want to embrace.

I've learned alot about parenting adult children in this coaching process. The above principle applies well. It seems more beneficial to choose to provoke some thoughts in someone than to tell them what they should or shouldn't do.

What I love about what Janis has been doing with me is that she has given me my own tools, put them in my hands, and encouraged me to make my own decisions about when and how to use them. That's a huge gift because it changed my thinking about so many things.

It definitely has gotten me off the miserable, self-inflicted guilt trip I was on. So much wasted energy and brain space indulging in defeating thoughts of not being who I wanted to be physically, relationally, spiritually or emotionally. It felt like I was on a hamster wheel I would never get off of. Watch your self-talk - it reveals alot about your outlook.

But now I see that I have the freedom to think through my choices in each of those areas, make turning point decisions, plot a course for change and then be patient with myself along the way.

After all, 54 years is a long time to have thought the same way. Making a U-Turn is going to take time.

I've got the time and so much more mental energy and brain space. Thank you, Janis. And thank you, God, for putting us together for this season.

YOU HAVE A TURNING POINT – A Life Renovation

“You’ll never get anywhere you’re not headed”. A wise mentor

My friend, Amy, recently bought a house that needs a total renovation - on purpose. She’s up for the challenge of doing demo work and removing rubble. She’s excited about making a million and one decisions and choices about what to put in that house to transform it into a home.

I’ve been thinking about renovation, as well. But not a home renovation. I’ve decided to undertake a renovation of the most personal kind. The end goal is wholeness and wellness and joy – from the inside out.

So this blog will be about a million and one decisions and choices I’m going to make along the way. It’s about knowing myself well enough to know what “fits” and what doesn’t in this season of my life. It's about removing rubble and "decorating" with care. It’s about understanding that choices I make today influence my readiness for the unknown of tomorrow.

My working definition of a turning point goes something like this. A landmark/event marking a unique or important change of course or one on which important developments depend. Did you read that?

Your gonna love this one – The point at which a significant, decisive change occurs, a point at which something changes direction.

I’ve given myself full permission to make U-Turns. Those of you that know me understand that I always take that opportunity when I’m on the road and even break the rules most times.

So now I’m applying that in a new way. I’m giving myself permission to make U-Turns that take me in an unexpected, unplanned direction. The choices are mine to make. I have to live with them – good, bad or otherwise.

The quote from my mentor says it all. “Where am I headed?” is an important question to ask myself. On my journey, I’m headed toward God, people and self - in that order by the way. I hope you’ll join me in the fun of decorating my “home”. And along the way it’s likely you’ll discover some turning point moments of your own.