Monday, January 17, 2011

Missing Mom Today

My mom passed away four years ago today. Much that's happened in recent weeks has brought me back to those dark, yet wonderful days spent with her just before she passed on to her eternal reward.
~Snowy, cold, gray days. Snow laden pine boughs through the window...birds fluttering around as they visit trees in the yard...a snuggly pink blanket spread across the bed for extra warmth...
"It Is Well With My Soul" popping into my head. The special days, her last days had all of these things and more.

~The pending arrival of a new baby girl - she LOVED her grandkids in a very hands on way - even though my girls were long distance. And oh, how she loved babies. She and Lori had a special bond, I think because their birthdays were almost exactly 50 years apart. She would not have been able to contain her excitement about this first granddaughter from my family. The day my daughter called me to tell me the ultrasound revealed "a girl", the very first thought I had was to call my mom. I couldn't but oh, how I wanted to.

~Friends and co-workers dealing with situations where loved ones are terminally ill. I can't tell you how many people I know are currently dealing with this difficulty. It's one of life's hardest tasks - saying goodbye prematurely to those who are fully aware that their time here is on a certain countdown clock.

~Stumbling unexpectedly across faded photographs of days gone by. My mom was a pretty lady and such a pleasant person. She loved people through her smile, her many words and such very kind eyes.
Moms aren't perfect. Mine wasn't, hers wasn't. But in the end I know she loved me and was proud of me. She told me so. Many times. She gave me all she could in every way. Sometimes I regret being so independent and reserved, denying her the opportunity to "mother" me in ways she probably wanted to. I didn't know better then.

All of this is making me miss her very much today. I can still hear her voice, the way she would giggle when she called me by my "pet" name that she knew annoyed me. I miss her silly birthday songs and how she would sing "You Are My Sunshine" - so off key. It makes me smile just to think of her.

I miss you, Mom. Always.

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